Saturday, January 30, 2016

Leanring to Trust Myself.

Throughout my life I’ve had my thoughts, feelings, and intentions questioned by those closest to me. The questioning and judgment have fostered a sense of insecurity in my decisions and an unhealthy fear of rejection.  As a result I have learned to put more value in other’s people’s opinions about my life than my own.  
In dealing with this tragedy, I discovered why some people have questioned my intentions:
  • Control. They want me to do it their way or how it has been done. They often wonder why I want to mess with something that isn’t technically broken. 
  • Jealousy. They are envious of me getting or taking certain opportunities. They are resentful I took a risk and it appeared to work out for me. 
  • Insecurity. They feel my decision may reflect poorly on them. Or, they worry I’m not going to have a successful life if I follow a certain path. 
  • Expectations. They see me as wearing a certain hat (personality, career, hobby), and then get frustrated when I put on a different hat. For example, if a person is used to having me give in to their wishes, that person might be taken aback when I decline to participate.
  • Gender. They feel that as a woman, I should be more sacrificial with my time and dreams.

I have also learned that I have no control over these perceptions and may never be able to change them. I can however learn to trust my voice, my heart and my decisions. It has not been an easy road, yet I believe a healthy sense of self is vital for me to be the person I have always wanted and felty called by God to be.

As I have learned to trust myself, I have been encouraged by: 
  • God.  Speaking to God about the direction 
  • Books!!!!!!! The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis is a great little gem. Their chapter on people pleasing showed that when I tune into other people’s feelings to determine how I should behave, I don’t know how to feel my feelings.
  • Blogs. “Modern Mrs. Darcy” has left an impression on me as her posting keeping matching the realities of my life step for step. Her articles have reaffirmed the need for me not to let anyone diminish my voice. “Mind.Body.Green” also has a variety of great articles about self love and living authentically. Kaitlin Robison’s article How to Kick your People-pleasing Habit for good really helped me to start to discover that I needed to trust myself and not worry about what other people thought.
  • Youtube-There are great inspirational videos. Hey Fran Hey did a wonderful video on the importance of being mentally and emotionally healthy. This is pivotal for me to grow as my true self. 
  • Counseling. Having priests and friends I could trust, and  A professional who listen to me without judgment has been life changing. Moreover, they challenge me in good ways to see where I am and where I want to be. 
  • Being truthful. I am learning that I must tell the truth about what I want. Some people have been angry and unhappy with me. Some even withdrew their support. Yet, telling the truth is helping me to move toward living authentically. On a side note, some of those people did come around and accept my choice. 
  • Getting over my fear of rejection. This is a tough one for me because I am such a people pleaser. I value relationships and don’t want to lose them. However, when I take the path of least resistance because I don’t want to be left out, I end up unsatisfied, passive aggressive, stilted and unhappy. When I have spoken up for myself, those who truly know me and love me have come to support me. 
  • Being willing to be uncomfortable. When things happen that push me out of my comfort zone, I have to remember how amazing it is to learn to trust myself.

Learning to find my voice has been scary and rewarding. Yet, I am finding there is so much freedom in being myself. 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

First Attempt at Banner Days Mini Quilt by Stitch Supply

Here is first attempt at the Banner Days Mini Quilt. I'm not in  love with the colors, but it came out pretty nicely.

I used the partial sewing method to complete it. This video helped me understand how to sew it together. I love this pattern and I want to make it bigger.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Color My Heart Mini Quilt Pattern

Color My Heart Mini Quilt

I completed Fat Quarter Shop's free Color My Heart mini quilt pattern. I really loved how it turned out. This is my second mini quilt. The first one I made is called The Woven Stars Mini Quilt Top from Stitch Supply Co.

Woven Stars Mini Quilt

On Color My Heart quilt, I added an extra border to the pattern to shape the heart more. Also, the pattern said to cut the squares for the HST at 5". But, that made them too small. So I cut them at 5 7/8" and pared them down. It came out great. I brought the fabric at Walmart. The yellow for heart makes me think of sunshine or light beaming from my heart. It is so fun and happy.

I love making these mini quilts. They give me a chance to experiment with quilting without being overwhelmed. The next one I am going to try is Stitch Supply Co.'s Banner Days Mini Quilt. I hope to share it with you soon.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Giving Me Life

I am avid follower of Modern Mrs. Darcy, whose blog I discovered last year and have been a fan ever since.

Earlier this year she posted What's Saving My Life Right Now. In the post, she writes about reading the book Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor and getting the idea to keep a list of the things that are giving her life. So, I decided to make a list of things that are giving me life now.

Things saving my life right now:

Modern Mrs. Darcy: Her insights and love of reading have been a source of encouragement to me as I go through this season in life. Her articles (here and here) have helped give words to the things I have been feeling and what I have been going through.

MindBodyGreen: Their articles on emotional health have given me the courage to face and heal my emotional side.

DJ Rak: I met this retired Army nurse through my granny. DJ is an avid quilter and she has an amazing quilting room that she has given me free access to. Not only that, she has been someone who I have been able to share my heart with.

PINTEREST!: So many blogs at my finger tips....10,000 pins isn't too many right?!?!

Sewing blogs with free tutorials: The free patterns and tutorials have taught me so many wonderful things! I love Shwin and Shwin  Pleated Square Tunic and Christina McKinney's  Elephant Plushie.

Pleated Tunic

Elephant Plushie

Cartoon Network: Teen Titans, GO!  has been a go to when I just needed to laugh.  "Waffles!"

Free Internet at the Library: What would I do without their wifi, a scanner and a printer? Many hours have been spent there researching and printing out patterns.

I probably won't keep a consistent paper list. I hope instead of focusing on things that might have hindered me, I hope I focus on the things that are helping me.

What things are helping you in your life right now?

Saturday, April 25, 2015

A little bit about me

I love all to knit, crochet, and sew. I started knitting and crocheting during my first year of teaching in China. Knitting and crocheting became an obsession for me, and it was easy to feed that obsession. Many of the women in China knit their own sweaters, socks, mittens and thermals. Yarn was sold everywhere, and it was inexpensive. I knitted or crocheted mostly blankets and hats. But during that time, I learned skills like how to read patterns, how to do cables and yarn overs. 
Start of  Bees Knees Fox Scarf

Now, I've learnt to sew. I bought my machine January 2011 and began taking classes at Joann's Fabrics. However, my sewing did not take off until I took the Beginner's Sewing Class at the Stitch Lab in Austin, TX. They have a scaffolded approach to their teaching. In the first class we made a draw-string bag. By the second class we had made a zippered-pillow with piping! What a confidence boost. Not only that, but the teacher encouraged us to go home and make more. So, I did.  
Craftiness is not Optional Reversible Wrap Top

Onesie made from recycled T-shirt.

I'm a sewing fiend. I love making bags. Recently I have gotten into quilting. However, I really would like to get into pattern making for clothes. But, I am taking it one day at a time. I have come this far.
Card trick block ( using tutorial by

Thursday, April 16, 2015


So, here I am, starting. I don't know where this road is going to lead, but I'm on it. 

I'm not alone.

People have taken this path. They didn't know where it would lead. They just had the urge to begin the journey. They stuffed their backpacks with hopes and dreams and starting walking. 

Now I am giving into the urge. My bags are packed. I'm starting to walk. I don't know where this road will lead, but I need and want to take it. 

So again, here I am at the start--beginning.